Losing It

Not my mind, that's long gone. This weight. This widow weight. I'm barely into my 40s and here I am, widowed with 50 pounds to lose. The weight represents grief. I know that already. When you're forced to watch your husband, the love of your life, the only man you've ever loved, and your partner in crime since high school wither and die it takes a toll. Obviously.

Suddenly nothing matters. The most difficult thing you can manage some days is getting yourself out of bed and going through the motions of life. Weight and size and eating healthy sound like a ridiculous triviality. I mean, we're all going to die anyway, so who cares if I eat crap for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? That's how the weight gain happens. Happened.

Today marks eleven months since he left me. Correction. Today marks eleven months since he was stolen from me. The fog is starting to lift and I am not happy with what I see in the mirror. None of my clothes fit. I haven't exercised in two years. TWO YEARS. I used to exercise every day, but that seems like a different lifetime now.

I'm tracking my calories with LoseIt and exercising with daily walks with my kids and TurboFire. I like Chalene and I used to love TurboJam so I thought I'd give TurboFire a go. I decided to start with a short workout so I chose the Low HIIT 20 Class. Um, yeah. I made it halfway through and thought I might die. But hey, halfway is halfway, especially after two years without any kind of exercise.

There is a schedule included with TurboFire, but I think I'm going to just stick with the Low HIIT 20 Class until I can get through the whole thing and then I'll think about following the schedule. One day at a time.

My calories for the day, after subtracting the 200 calories I burned, totaled 1240.